Hello!
It’s been a long time. A lot has happened since I last posted.
I’m going to make this short (ish) as I’m reimagining this project.
It started with all things related to a family tree I had been given. One where an ancestor had claimed a relationship with another family. It turns out she felt incredible shame for the family she had and wanted to be linked to another family with the same surname.
So, she “claimed” she was related to this, more “prestigious” family. We had partial information, so once the gaps were filled, I found out what she was running from. Or running to, to be more accurate.
We had all kinds of anecdotes and names and stories, all made up. But then as you’ll read on a prior post, she did die in Sunbury Asylum. But here’s the thing, can you imagine? Can you pause for a minute, and imagine, just how much trauma is wrapped up in the real story. The trauma of being the daughter of a post-gold rush gun-toting, religious authoritarian who tried to control every aspect of your life?
What I have found since is, simply, incredible. Jane Brady was a survivor.
The founding story of my family is really complex. And I’ve never been a fan of family tree software or dodgy DNA. A reminder, that, what is in your DNA results is what DNA is there — that it won’t be a full picture, because many groups of people won’t contribute their genetic data (the evidence base isn’t complete). They shouldn’t be taken too seriously, imho. Yet…people keeping saying stuff like…you’ll find that missing ancestor with a DNA kit. No, that’s not accurate.
Here’s a great piece from the ABC about this, that pretty much sums up how I feel. Why DNA tests can be dodgy
Anyhoo, COVID lockdown was wild. My whole life shifted.
I was new to relatively new to Melbourne, after moving back after my family had left 44 years ago from small towns and remote communities. How do I feel now? Well, that’s a moving feast of thoughts.
Since Lockdown:
- I started and completed PhD fieldwork and write up (I’m in final edits).
- I started paying more attention to decades of health problems and improving my health.
- My mother passed away, after moving her and my adult son back here to Melbourne in December 2021, she passed in May 2022 from hepatic encephalopathy (don’t google, it’s dreadful).
- I returned to teaching, and I suppose 2022 will be marked by fieldwork, teaching and standing in front of students 4 days after Mum died and doing a good job, because that is what is important now – future generations.
- My son and I rebuilt a relationship that had been fractured in 2015. A relationship built on trust, love, care and acceptance.
- I’ve mostly stopped performing comedy, mainly because of health concerns and needing to pay the bills with paying work. I am committed to the comedy of lived experience and I’m busy with related work.
- I’ve made peace with my family history and redefined how I see family.
So, the deadline, is back. To talk about family, secrets, shame and how to dislodge the power over us that these things can hold.
It’s back because we all have a deadline and I want to talk about this obsession with biological family only, when we need to be rebuilding communities. When we need to redefine family, as not just those biologically related, but to redefine it to humanity.
It’s up to us what we do with this life we are given.
Bye for now.
Jack.
P.S. The official accounts of families are similar to DNA. Often dodgy, and written to run with a certain family narrative. Despite the stories Jane told her family, I’ll always take notice of what a family member believes their family to be. Often the silences, the gaps, the made-up bits, say more about the truth than you can possibly ever imagine (says a lot about what they hoped for, what they didn’t get, what hurt, what is healed). Listen to people. Don’t judge.
The Deadline 